Death is on my mind. Intense, I know, but I want to observe that in this season of longing and waiting, two realities can be true at once. We can be both excited and sad, happy and overwhelmed, fulfilled and lonely. I recently lost a friend to suicide. It has taken me awhile to be able to share that sentence, let alone digest the reality. I am still on that journey.
Currently, I am struck with how one loss of a loved one brings forward the pain and grief of earlier losses. I hadn’t anticipated that. I can feel so at peace and awed by the wonder of lights and snow and laughter one minute, and then in the next, I can be overcome by tears, sorrow and pain. This is healthy, I know. It is normal. And actually, those who are brave enough to cry those tears in public and to be honest about their wayward grief-filled path, are those that teach us all something profound. They teach us that showing authentic emotion is healing, important and acceptable. There is no need to pretend you are “fine”.
This is a good time of year to allow for two juxtaposed realities. We daily experience the darkness, the snow, the cold, the icy road AND the candlelight, the friend, the laughter, the good book, the hot soup.
Last week I challenged us all to make a daily sacred space/moment. Which, I believe, has lead me to be able to recognize my grief and write this week’s challenge. Feel free to email/message me where it has lead you!
CHALLENGE of the WEEK:
This week I challenge you to a random act of kindness. Recently I have been working on imbedding a random act of kindness every week; anywhere from volunteering at the food bank, to giving my dad a ride to an appointment, to buying a homeless person on the corner a hot coffee. It has been fun and enjoyable. It takes the spotlight off of me and my emotions. Most importantly it moves my grief and draws me toward gratitude. It honors the friend I lost and those I loved that went before her. They were bringers of beauty and joy. They were generous.
As I said before, two realities can be true… I can miss my loved ones terribly, AND I can try my best to be a bringer of joy and beauty in my own way.
Yes, it is a season of both grief and gratitude, icy roads and hot soup.